Monday, March 2, 2015

Singledom

Update: The boy I was so excited about dating in Provo broke up with me a few weeks ago. Then this past week both my ex's from college got engaged. BOTH of them in the same week....Seriously what are the chances!? I just need to take a second here and get real transparent with my feelings..


Since the missionary, these were two of the most meaningful relationships I've had. My relationships lately haven't been even close to the same level. I grew to love each of these guys so much. And honestly, my initial reaction to hearing their news was joy :)   Truly, I'm happy for these people I love--I want the world for them. But if I'm honest, a close second to that surprise, excitement, and joy was a pit in my stomach that was a mix of jealousy, loss, and discouragement.


I don't want to be that melodramatic girl complaining about how her facebook/instagram feed is full of engagements---but this is the first time in my life I've really started to worry that the world keeps spinning and moving on without me. I mean, they both figured it out...?  Suddenly the only common denominator in all my past relationship failures, is me...


The list of truly meaningful relationships in my life is starting to dwindle and I just feel discouraged about this stage of life. What's the point of loving people and building relationships if they all just eventually come to naught? Am I even capable of loving someone the way I need to, to have a happy marriage and build a family!? Have I been approaching this whole dating thing just completely wrong for the past 8 years?! All of the sudden I just feel like I have no idea what I'm doing and am seriously doubting myself...cheers to being a young single adult. Heaven help me.

Thursday, February 12, 2015

...Becoming "Sister Brian"

Friday, December 19, 2014

8th period had just finished, I was picking up the name tags to put them back in the back cupboard, when I noticed a missed call and a text message from my  boss on my phone. Bro. H was both awesome and terrifying--I looked up to him SO much but whenever he came to observe me or we had one-on-one conversations I felt nervous and awkward, so so awkward. I guess that's just part of a program when you're being combed over and critiqued for potential employment.

I was especially nervous about this phone call because I was waiting to hear whether or not I was being cut from the program at the semester. I gave myself a little peptalk and braced myself for the worst before I hit the call back button.

After some brief pleasantries, Bro. H got straight to the point and asked me what my feelings were about teaching another semester...then he surprised me by asking me about how willing I was to relocate if that was needed. I was teaching 5 psychology classes at Roy and that would be impossible for me, so I was really confused. But I stammered out something and he upbruptly ended our conversation and said he'd call back in a few minutes. I thought for sure I blew it and was about to get cut...


About 30 minutes later, after one of the most unexpected conversations of my life. I dropped my phone and danced down the stairs to tell my parents the news, that I had just been offered a FULL-TIME seminary position that started at the semester change(!!!) I called my best friend and then my boyfriend...and everyone seemed just as blindsided as me. I had 24 hours to make a decision so that meant quitting my current job that afternoon. I sat in my drive way and called my assistant principal at Roy--and I was shaking like a leaf through that entire conversation but he was so kind about it.

 I had a Christmas party that night with a bunch of friends--everyone weighed in on the decision...There was lots going on and not a whole lot of time to process, but I called the next morning and accepted the offer to teach seminary.

What a trip.

Roy High in all her glory..
Leaving Roy was gut-wrenching...I had really grown to love it there and the administrators and faculty and students had been so, so good to me. But, I kinda felt like, the Lord was intervening in my life and opening up a path.There was NO reason I shoulda been hired--this preservice program is seriously seriously  competitive---but somehow I was. So God HAD to be in it. So even with the lack of plans and long list of unknowns and  just the CRAZINESS of it all, if that was really the case, if He was in it....then I couldn't wait to see where it would lead. So I packed up all my crap (btw--got pulled over for a DUI on the way down--Ha) and I moved down to Provo and became "Sister" Brian.

Timpview Seminary
*insert wide eyed face*