Monday, March 2, 2015


Update: The boy I was so excited about dating in Provo broke up with me a few weeks ago. Then this past week both my ex's from college got engaged. BOTH of them in the same week....Seriously what are the chances!? I just need to take a second here and get real transparent with my feelings..

Since the missionary, these were two of the most meaningful relationships I've had. My relationships lately haven't been even close to the same level. I grew to love each of these guys so much. And honestly, my initial reaction to hearing their news was joy :)   Truly, I'm happy for these people I love--I want the world for them. But if I'm honest, a close second to that surprise, excitement, and joy was a pit in my stomach that was a mix of jealousy, loss, and discouragement.

I don't want to be that melodramatic girl complaining about how her facebook/instagram feed is full of engagements---but this is the first time in my life I've really started to worry that the world keeps spinning and moving on without me. I mean, they both figured it out...?  Suddenly the only common denominator in all my past relationship failures, is me...

The list of truly meaningful relationships in my life is starting to dwindle and I just feel discouraged about this stage of life. What's the point of loving people and building relationships if they all just eventually come to naught? Am I even capable of loving someone the way I need to, to have a happy marriage and build a family!? Have I been approaching this whole dating thing just completely wrong for the past 8 years?! All of the sudden I just feel like I have no idea what I'm doing and am seriously doubting myself...cheers to being a young single adult. Heaven help me.