My First Temple Experience

I hesitate to post this--But I wanted to share with others who have maybe had a similar experience or are preparing to go for the first time. The temple is the house of God and covenants are our way back to Him--people usually have pretty strong reactions their first time through, and this is how it went for me..

Before I went to the temple I was writing in my journal about how I had anticipated this day for years. This day would be a culmination of all the choices I have made in my life up until this point and I was so excited for this experience.

After the ceremony as I sat in the celestial room with my parents--my dad helped me realize I have been waiting much, MUCH longer than 24 years for this day to come. This day was eternally significant for me. It's very possible that I have looked forward to this day for maybe eons of time.

...

The initiatory was such an incredible experience. I felt love and peace, and cleanliness. I felt like my Heavenly Father was very aware of me and very pleased with my decision to be there. It actually felt  a lot like my baptism day. What beautiful blessings and promises. 

...

As I sat in the ordinance room and the session started I was GIDDY to finally be there and finally be witnessing the things I had only heard/speculated/dreamed about up until this point in my life. I was eager to pick up on all these new profound/earth-shattering insights and my mind was racing the entire time.  So much so, that I kind of missed the bigger picture because I was so focused in on the details... 

When we got to the end of the session I had trouble trying to put everything that had just happened in context with everything else I know about the Gospel of Jesus Christ. For example, on my baptismal day--I knew exactly what I was doing and why I was doing it. I needed to be baptized to enter the gate back to eternal life with my Father in Heaven. I needed to be baptized so I could be cleansed from my sins and become a member of the Lord's church. With my baptismal covenant I had a clear idea of the cause-and-effect relationship of what I was doing and how it fit into my framework of the gospel, and I understood. 

After my endowment I did not feel that way. I felt disoriented and confused and a little unsettled by some of the symbolism that was so foreign to me. I got distracted. I knew ahead of time what I would be covenanting that day and I was excited to do so. I was excited to whole-heartedly commit my life to the Lord and the gospel I love. I was not scared of the covenants I was making. But at the end of the session I was scared about the feelings I had had (or lack of feelings I was expecting to have) I was trying to piece it all together but I felt totally lost--it was so much to take in and I felt like I wasn't getting it or that maybe I'd missed it all together.
...

 Boyd K Packer has said, "As members of the church, can you be happy, can you be redeemed, can you be exalted without them? (speaking of temple ordinances) Answer: They are more than advisable or desirable, or even than necessary. More even than essential or vital. They are crucial for each of us" 

With baptism, I understood exactly how and why it was crucial--But at the end of my first session in the temple I wasn't connecting the dots at all. How had what I'd just done affected my eternal progression and why? Where was the Savior in all I had just done? In everything I had read and studied leading up to this day in the temple I knew that what I had just done was MONUMENTAL in my life...but sitting in the Celestial Room after I didn't really understand why. I felt disappointed that I didn't understand--disappointed that I didn't feel and experience what I thought I would feel and experience. Had I not prepared well enough?  It was a whirlwind of information and ceremony and symbolism and I was just desperately trying to get my bearings. Honestly, with so much build up leading up to it, I felt kind of heartbroken at the disappointment. 

The next morning I read a list of scriptures Sean had put together, and I reread Elder Packer's pamphlet on the temple, and as I talked to people about my experience throughout the following few days I started to settle down a little and feel a little more at ease when I realized many others had been in my shoes and had felt what I felt.  Elder Packer said:

 "The temple ceremony will not be fully understood at first experience. It will only be partly understood. Return again and again. Return to learn. Things that have troubled you or things that have been puzzling or things that have been mysterious will become known to you. Many of them will be the quiet, personal things that you really cannot explain to anyone else. But to you they are things known. What we gain from the temple will depend to a large degree on what we take to the temple in the way of humility and reverence and a desire to learn. If we are teachable we will be taught by the Spirit, in the temple."

That statement from President Packer helped put my heart at ease. I am excited to return to learn. I am excited for a lifetime of learning. I think it's true that for some people, their first time in the temple is an earth-shattering, mind blowing, life-altering experience. But as I look back on my life and try to identify patterns of gospel learning--that's never how it's been for me. I learn line upon line, precept upon precept...so it is with the temple. As I'm patient/faithful and return again and again, those earth-shattering, life-altering moments will come, right? The best moments in my life have been moments in the Spirit, and I'm excited for more to come inside the Lord's House.

Anyone who wants to learn more about temple should check out here, here, or here! :)

Quote of the Day

"Grace is not the light at the end of the tunnel, it’s the light that moves us through the tunnel. It is not a finishing touch; it is The Finisher’s touch. It is not the absence of God’s high expectations; it is the presence of His power. When we depend on grace we don’t discover, as some would say, that Christ requires nothing; we discover why he requires so much."

-Elder Brian (via Brad Wilcox)

Its Later:

(Disclaimer! This is a lonnnng post that was mostly theraputic in nature...if you get all the way through it, kudos to you. )

The Why I Shoulds:

1) Desire. (D&C 4:3)
 This, didn't exactly appear out of no where as Elder Brian gave his epic homecoming address..this little desire has been growing in my little heart since primary...since "I hope they call me on a mission," and "We'll bring the world his truth."
 I just can't think of a more wonderful work to be a part of, or something that would be a better use of my time or effort. I cant think of a single thing I feel more passionately about than the gospel of Jesus Christ. I would absolutely love to share the gospel, full-time. I would love the chance to learn and the chance to teach. I would love the chance to watch the gospel change lives. Plus, the possibility of a serious change of scenery is nice. Kind of exciting. Also, learning a new language is on the life to do's..whether I go or not. Bonus if that happens.
Bottom line: Being a missionary for Jesus Christ is the greatest job on earth. A chance to be a tool in the master's hand and work with the spirit on a daily basis and focus on others instead of myself for 18 months.. I would be absolutely honored to be a part of it.
Desire. (D&C 4:3) Check.

2) Timing
Its been easy to brush aside thoughts of a mission before because I would just tell myself I could figure it out later...plennnnty of time. But. I feel like the stars are aligned...right, now. I'm finally 21. I'm just ABOUT to start my program but the most convenient time to take a break with school would be right, now. Doug's been out a couple months and if I hustle we would be coming home together. If I could hurry and get a call before summer ends I could come home right as another semester is starting...I'm not dating anyone. (Ha. Dating.)  I'm don't have a job tying me down.
I don't have anything tying me down.
Right.at. this. moment. I feel like I could drive down to provo and knock on the front door of the MTC tomorrow. This unique circumstance will never happen again. I take it, now, or miss it, forever.

3) Blessings
There is seriously soo much to be gained from serving a mission. Exhibit A: pull any RM off the street and ask, try to catch some of what they say as they break down and start crying trying to tell you how much it meant to them. But seriously. Here's some of what makes me most excited...

• FLOOD of learning. about the gospel. about the scriptures. about people. about myself.
• Love. for companions. leaders. investigators. everyone at home. so. much. LOVE.
• Hard work. I know I would be forced out of my comfort zone and could GROW so much.
• Sense of ACCOMPLISHMENT..the kind of accomplishment that impacts eternity.
• Learn about how to connect with and genuinely love PEOPLE.
• Learn how to be a better TEACHER
• Be more CONFIDENT with the scriptures
• Learn to be more organized and effective with my TIME
• Learn more about the big wide world OUTSIDE of Utah.
• I could go on and on with this list...my head is starting to spin just thinking about all the blessings that could come from missionary service.

So...?

The Why I Shouldn'ts:

1) Things I'll Miss

• Graduating Class of 2012 (big whoop...probably wasn't gonna make it on time anyway..)
• Potentially..I could miss a lot of friends' weddings. I would be sad to miss those..
• A really great waitressing job. Ha.
• Going to classes....Ha.
• Hanging out with my friends. Watching a lot of animal planet with my roommates..
• Dating. (Part joke..but part serious. I might go crazy not going on a single date for a year and a half)
• .......but overall, are these sounding completely lame to anyone else?

2) Fear
Lets be real here...a mission is no walk in the park. Part of me is scared that I really have no idea what I would be getting into. I'm famous for being a ''bad orderer" my expectations and reality hardly align. ever. at all. I'm scared to be let down with what missionary work is really like. But then...who has ever sacrificed anything for the Lord and then regretted it? No one. That's who.

3) Not in my "box"
A couple of semesters ago, one of my favorite Institute teachers at Utah State, Bro. Harding, gave a lesson about personal revelation. We were reading from the famous DC 9:8..."study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right." Brother Harding helped me see this scripture in a totally new way that day. We talked about how the question "ask me if it be right" doesnt translate to, "should I or shouldn't I?" The question is whether its right or wrong. Bro. Harding drew a box on the board and said all good things would fall inside of Heavenly Father's 'box'  and would therefore be 'right' and things that were wrong are not in His 'box.' Are the things you are asking for good/'right'? Is it in harmony with what he's revealed through the prophets and in the scriptures? Is it in the box?
 If it is, the only question left to ask, is whether or not its in YOUR box of what is 'right' for you, individually. A mission is definitely a good/'right' thing, but is it in my box? I choose whats 'in' my box. (As long as my box is in His box) Heavenly Father who sees all, and knows exactly where I'm going and what I need, can help me to know what is right for my box as well. So I asked him. I told him how I felt about a mission. I prayed and I cried and I 'studied it out in my mind' and he helped me feel what was right for me.

And its not a mission.

*sigh* But, I whole-heartedly believe you don't have to be a full-time missionary to be a tool in our Heavenly Father's hands, or to have the spirit with you on a daily basis. Or to forget yourself and serve others. There is a great work to do wherever we're at. As Elder Uchtdorf put it, we all just need to 'lift where we stand' and I'm sure Heavenly Father will bless us as we serve in our own very unique, personal, and important capacities. So, to all the ladies out there who are maybe going through something similar...I hope this kind of helps. Its not important how or where you serve, if you are a full-time missionary or a good friend, sister, or mom...Its just important that you do your part. Never underestimate your ability to build the kingdom of God on a daily basis, in whatever capacity you're at. That's all He asks.


(If you got through this entire post you are a champ.)

Contemplating

Collin gave his homecoming address today.
What. a. stud. Seriously, I've never been prouder to be his family:)

It was SUCH a great meeting and the spirit was so strong.

I may or may not have come home and written up a list of why I should and why I shouldnt serve a mission..

It was pretty one-sided.

more to come later.

Home is Wherever I'm with You

\I can't stop replaying this over and over and over.

It makes my heart melt. I love everything about it. It makes me hopeful there's still beauty and love and GOODNESS in the world. God bless youtube for letting me creepily have a peek into this tender moment between a father and his little girl.

I have this thing.

I just, really, really love families. (yeah, yeah, everyone loves their families..)
But I mean, All families. Any family.
Families make me feel safe and happy and like the world's a wonderful place. (People who really know me, know this.)

I think too many people are starting to forget this.

"The earth was created....that families might be"
-Elder Russel M. Nelson

"There is nothing in the world as important as the creation and perfection of family units"
-Elder Bruce R. McConkie

"It is possible to make home a bit of heaven; indeed, I picture heaven to be a continuation of the ideal home"
-Elder David O. Mckay

2011. What will you do with it?

"As a new year begins and we try to benefit from a proper view of what has gone before, I plead with you not to dwell on days now gone nor yearn vainly for yesterdays, however good those yesterdays may have been."

"The past is to be learned from but not lived in. We look back to claim the embers from glowing experiences but not the ashes. And when we have learned what we need to learn and have brought with us the best that we have experienced, then we look ahead and remember that faith is always pointed towards the future. Faith always has to do with blessings and truths and events that will yet be efficacious in our lives."

"Faith builds on the past but never longs to stay there. Faith trusts that God has greater things in store for each of us"

"Keep your eyes on your dreams, however distant and far away. Live to see the miracles of repentance and forgiveness, of trust and divine love that will transform your life today, tomorrow, and forever. "

-Jeffery R. Holland
ps. Watch this.

December 29, 2010

Doug's mission call is just miles away from the same town we were at this time last year!! Couldn't be more excited for him!!

ps. check out this picture of me being WAY too intense while he opened his call...

I had my phone on speaker in one hand and the ollld flip camera to document every second in the other.
Also, I'm sorry for the super obnoxious screaming...jussst the way I am :/

All the Single Ladies, All the Single Ladies..

Some Things We Have Learned Together : Jeffery and Patricia Holland

"Don't rush things needlessly and unnaturally. Nature has its rhythms and its harmonies....Be calm, be patient, be happy with the season you are in.

Life ought to be enjoyed at every stage of our experience and should not be hurried and wrenched and truncated and torn to fit an unnatural schedule which you have predetermined but which may not be the Lord's personal plan for you at all. We probably all get caught thinking real life is still ahead of us, still a little farther down the road.

But don't wait to live!....Don't wait for life to gallop in and sweep you off your feet. It is a quieter, more pedestrian visitor than that. In a church which understands more about time and its relationship to eternity than any other, we of all people ought to savor every moment, ought to enjoy the time of preparation before marriage, filling it full of all the truly good things of life.."

Amen.

Recommitted.

• Conference is the only holiday that comes TWICE a year.
  
• I love the idea of church in your PJs.
  
• I love having my whole family around all day--a sunday with NO meetings :)
  
• I love how we sit around and eat all. day. long.
  
• I love conference bingo.
  
• I love taking pictures of all my sleeping family members when the last session rolls around.

• I love girls night out during priesthood session

• I love actually going to conference and feeling the buzzing excitement of members that have come from all corners of the world.
  
• I love the powerful feeling of being totally united as a world wide church for a weekend.
  
• I love to hear counsel and direction that the Lord would have ME know for TODAY, through His wonderful prophets.
  
• I love how the messages shared always inspire me to stand a little taller and be a little better the next six months than I was the last.
  

I really feel so much love for the prophet and his counselors and the twelve. I really feel like I know them. And I feel like they really know me. Which isn't possible but, sometimes I'm sure they do. They are inspired men and I'm thankful for their lives, their example, their love, and leadership.
I wanted to post some of my favorite quotes but I seem to have left my little notebook in Kaysville..... :( So! More to come soon...